Glimpsing the light

“We need to reacquaint ourselves with ourselves. We must try to be who we really are.”

“Sounds like a great idea.”

I looked at Guruji expectantly, but he remained still. He was looking at me with his big eternal eyes and warm, planet loving, smile. I felt that he would have happily kept me company in that moment for eons, patiently waiting for a spark of intuitive guidance to ignite within me, to bump me along the road to the next step in our conversation.

I smiled and laughed, a bit self-consciously.

“You have all the time in the universe. Would you like another cup of tea?” Guruji reached for the pot.

This broke me up and I laughed again, heartily this time. I could feel the constraints of my self-doubt releasing me as they fell away. They were of no use here. I knew Guruji could see them clearly, those long-adorned cobwebs that I was still clinging to, just in case I needed to use one as a mask one day, to hide behind when somebody looked my way.

“There they go,” I thought as I enjoyed the transitionary step, wondering what awaited me in the next moment, one in which I would be mask free, without the feeling of peeking out at the world from an unseen and safe place.

“Yes, there they go.” Guruji said gently. “Hello Jen.”

I left Guruji an hour or so later. Whilst he was not walking next to me in his physical body, I knew that he was there in spirit, watching over me and protecting me, mostly from myself.

I felt renewed, fresh, and energised, looking up to see what lay ahead, imagining that all the doors to all the bright potentialities which had been woven into the rich tapestry of my life were now open.

I turned from the road, taking a path which led to the ocean. I lovingly thanked the fig and wattle trees which marked the path, and set off with a spring in my step. I was singing in my rough singing voice, a noise only I should hear, Nanne and Ankie’s “I Love You.” The song is a song of gratitude to Mother Earth, to nature, to everything and everyone in our life. I find it very helpful when I am too caught up with worldly concerns, it helps me to be free again. Today though, it was a song of joy. Guruji’s unexpected appearance had lifted me to a place of beauty.

I felt free. I felt happy. I felt lighter. I felt as though I mattered, and at the same time I did not matter, and either was OK. How different is the dance of our lives when we step aside from our worries, and open our hearts.